i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
