i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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