Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
