just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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