Got a toothbrush?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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