rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
