Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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