You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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