there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
