my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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