My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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