My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
even my farts smell like vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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