i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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