All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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