For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
