can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize