do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
