i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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