pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
