So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
