Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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