end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
