I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
