Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize