Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
