I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
