here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
