I heard we made out
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
