Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
