My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
