I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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