whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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