this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
