I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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