awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
