I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
