Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
