i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
