That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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