Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
