STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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