oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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