getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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