no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
