i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
