I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
