I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
