Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
