Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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