he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made out with two different species that night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
