i jhust puked up my retainher.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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