Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
