I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
