If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
