White coat. Heels.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did i just pee glitter
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
