Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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