Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
