You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
