i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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