Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
