Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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