you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
