I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this will be a night to untag.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
