i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
