planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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