Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
