I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
