maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
